Para kay Yubi

"diba sabi nila ung mga nagwowork mas gusto nila bumalik sa school coz once you've enter their world there is only a little room for fun. lalu na sa course natin. aun! maxado na mahaba ung nasabi ko and i think some of the things na nasabi ko is irelevant na sa topic mo! hahaha!"

-Yubi.

Yubi, I want to say two things.
First of all, ngayon ko lang nabasa toh kaya sobra-sobra na lang pagkagulat ko.
Second of all, your reply(blog) wasn't irrelevant, in fact, you hit bull's eye.

Aaminin ko, I never was a leader before and
neither did I have a barkada before I met you guys. Ever.

You were so right when you said that once you've entered the working world, almost all your childish thinking fade---must fade. You need to be competitive. You have to be responsible, effective, knowledgeable and most of all, disciplined. And tama ka rin, most of the time there's only a little room for fun---if none at all. In other words...grow up.

minsan kea din naprepressure ang tao kc maraming things ung tumatakbo sa utak nila. somethings that they like to share and some not. so ndi mo sila rin masisi kung ung outcome nila ganun. ndi lang nmn dito kc umiikot ung mundo natin eh! especially the mind.

I know that...You may or may not know but I did try to understand you guys. There were alot of times wherein I pictured myself in your situations. Your family problems. Your financial problems. Everything that you guys are experiencing that I don't. Kay pat and her family problem. Kay kat and her brother and other money problems. Kay sachi and her financial problems. Kay Audrey and her volleyball and aunt and family in the states.
And you and your dad and other financial problems.
And marami pa that I don't even or probably won't know about.
Alam ko naman na wala akong masyadong alam coz am not around...


we all have different kinds of responsibility...pero try to think it this way...not all of us has that enough strength para gawin ang lahat ng straight. kelangan din natin malibang paminsan minsan. tong pinasok kc natin ndi xa joke time eh!

I am in fact, guilty as charged when I tried pressuring you guys. Pero kung iisipin mo, wala pa akong mabigat na ginawa ever since...

Once i fell in love.

Once i fell in love...

And it was real. For a few minutes everyday, i would ask myself, why?
Why him? Why now? Why me? Why? Why not? Why...
Just because.

But now...

I...just smile :')

insomniac keyboardist

i've met this christian keyboardist guy who reminded me so much of my kuya vergel.
in the way he looks, the tone he speaks, and the type of music he's listening to
but of course he's waaaaaaaaaay better of a keyboardist than me
and waaaaaaay older than me, i think.
and i swear, i could almost see
my reincarnated
kuya
but
kuya
is still alive ok?
im just seeing him from him
because by the way he's our teacher in keys.
ang aztig niyang keyboardista at pianista kahit na
hindi ko siya naiintindihan kapag nagtuturo siya ng
bonggang bongga. Kasi naman kulang pa ang kaalaman
ko sa larangan ng musika kaysa sa kanya.

Pero. May insomnia siya. Wala lang.
Nakakatuwa.

Hindi niya alam

Kahit mag-isa lang ako ngayong umaalala sa nakalipas na mga alaala.
hindi ko na siguro pagsisisihan ang pakiramdam na nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya, noon.
Baliw na kung baliw pero kahit gaano karaming luha ang tumulo at tintang naupos sa pira-pirasong papel dahil sa kanya, masaya ako dahil nakilala ko siya.
Hindi ko alam kung paano pero siguro kasi di pa ako nakakahanap ng katulad niyang may kalog. Nilalang na magiging dahilan na pagkabuhay at pagkamatay ng aking damdamin.

Maalaala mo kaya...:)

Lagi kong sinasabi na halos ilang taon na rin ang lumipas,
ngunit sa tuwing isusulat ko ang
parte ng buhay ko na iyon ay tila
tumitigil ang oras
para lang sakin at ang lahat sa aking paligid
ay sumasang-ayon sa bugso ng aking damdamin sa aking pagsusulat.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi niya pa siguro nararamdaman kung gaano
kabigat sakin nuon ang apaw ng luha na pumuno sa aking pagiisip. Hindi niya alam na
madalas ay nalunod na ako ng paulit-ulit na tila ba'y wala ng sasagip. At kung meron man,
ay nabulag ako sa pagasang hindi naman pala dumating. Hindi niya rin
alam kung paano ang pagwasak sa aking rason sa bawat minuto na makita siya
ay nalalapatan ako ng musika. Musika?

Hind niya alam na artista ako noon, na kahit di man sikat ay naging eksperto naman sa pagtatago ng tunay na adhikain. Sa aking pagiging artista ay namanhid ako sa harap niya. Sa harap lamang niya. Sa maikling panahon na iyon ay hindi pa rin niya siguro alam kung gaano kasakit ang magpaalam sa nakaraan at harapin ang aking kinatakutan.

Higit sa lahat, hindi niya alam na minsan lang
akong mahulog ng ganun. Ang uri ng kalaliman na kahit
ang mga taon ay hindi kayang hilumin kaagad-agaran
ang sugat na namuo at dumugo na puso.
Pero walang sugat kahit saan,
nagkapasa lang naman.

Ngunit sa pagdaan din ng ganitong mga karanasan, marami din akong natutunan.
Katulad na lamang sa paglawak ng aking makitid at murang pagiisip.
Hindi sa lahat ng oras ay dapat akong umasa sa iba.
Hindi lang sa tao kundi sa lahat ng bagay at pagkakataon. Dapat ay marunong kang tumayo
sa iyong sariling mga paa at manindigan sa iyong mga desisyon, kamalian o katagumpayan.

Pero buti na lang, nagisip din ako ng tama (mantakin mo yun..nagisip din pala ako?) Dahil ng umiwas ako sa kanya, natuto akong tumingin sa mga bagay na inakala ko ay hindi ko
makakayang gawin ngunit kaya ko pala.
Katulad ng musika at salita.
Sa pagkabatang-isip kong iyon ay natuto akong lumipad sa isang mundong
masyadong mahiwaga at malalim.

At di na ako makabalik.
Masyado na daw akong seryoso.
Try mo kong pakinggan.
"Hahaha."
Kahit sa salitang toh, hindi na ako ang sarili ko.
Di ba?
. . . . .
(Oo ka dyan, bakit, narinig mo ba?)

Pero magkagayon man, masaya na ako magisa at nagdadrama.
Pero siyempre hindi na kagaya noon. Di mahirap yun pag-artista ka na o kung anu pa man, basta sanayan lang. At masaya na akong magpatuloy sa paghahanap ng sarili ko at dun sa nakatingin sakin mula sa alapaap. Kasiyahang maririnig sa pag-ngiti at di pagtawa.
Mahika, brad. Di ako literal. Siya rin siguro.

Pero siyempre, buti na lang di niya malaman noon.

Ngayon, kung mabasa niya toh. Ayos lang. Malaman niya na lang na may dalawang gabi na naman pagkatapos ng halos ilang taon na hindi ko natulugan dahil naalala ko ang mga alaala na yon na parang isang pelikula na paulit...ulit...ulit...ulit...

Hindi niya nga rin pala alam, siya ang pinakauna.

P.S. Sasabihin ko sana sabi ni Inday, kaso di nako bata para dun.

Pain daw.

Everyone is afraid to make mistakes. Whether it’s tripping on the way down of the LRT stairs, having a wrong grammar during recitation, falling in love, watching this horrifying movie or taking this path instead of that…everyone is afraid that they won’t make the right decisions for their lives. Everyone is afraid to feel pain. They are afraid that they’ll just get hurt and bleed inside, outside, in the middle, in their nose?

Pero minsan din naman, kelangan din natin magkamali, madapa, masaktan at mapagalitan.

Kagaya ngayon, pagdating palang ni mommy…hindi na ako tinigilan sa kakadakdak ng sermon. Ang hirap pala maging nanay, mauubusan ka na lang ng laway…araw-araw. Pero, mahirap din maging anak, lalo pag nag-iisang anak na babae. Mahirap makahanap ng kausap na hindi ka-sesermonan at bubusisiin ng todo. Nakakatuwang nakakabaliw. Kaya di na lang ako kumikibo habang nagsusulat dito sa computer.

Speaking of computer, nakakatuwa talaga ang Meralco. Last month, mga P500 lang ata ang singil sa kuryente dahil nagbaba sila at ngayon lang April nagtaas. Ang ironic, kasi last month…umuulan at malamig pa kaya di kami magastos sa kuryente pero ngayon, sobrang init naman kaya grabe ang gamit namin ng kuryente. Back to the computer, baka nalalabi na ang oras ko sa paggamit nitong computer dahil mag-iisang oras pa lang ang gamit ko…buong araw na daw akong nakababad dito.

Actually medyo guilty rin ako. Ang dami ko ring pinanuod na films kanina. Di na ako nanunuod ng local TV shows kasi feeling ko nadedeplete ang utak ko (no offense)…except na lang pag news. Anyway, nagbababad ako sa movies dahil baka may mapulot naman akong kwento, concepts, camera angles, chuva, churva, etchos, stuff, stuff, na kahit ako di ko maintindihan.

Eto yung mga napanuod ko kanina. Wala lang:)

IP MAN

Ip Man is a 2008 Hong Kong martial arts semi-biographical film that is based on the life of Ip Man, the celebrated martial arts master of Bruce Lee, and the first to teach the Chinese martial art of Wing Chun openly. The film focuses on events surrounding Ip that took place in the city of Foshan between the 1930s to 1940s during the Second Sino-Japanese War.

The japanese were bad here. Huhuhu. It's a good film...but somehow, I was looking for something. It's just like watching Fearless, without the really cool effects and just plain old chinese kung fu vs. Japanese martial arts. Or maybe I just need to watch it again??

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

(Italian: La vita è bella) is a 1997 Italian language film which tells the story of a Jewish Italian, Guido Orefice (played by Roberto Benigni, who also directed and co-wrote the film), who must learn how to use his fertile imagination to help his son survive their internment in a Nazi concentration camp.

The really funny dad in the picture...died. And I'm a spoiler for those who are planning to watch. Although, It's not really a choice for most of today's movie goers and is a bit old of a film but I liked it anyway.

DAHIL MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA

Caught this in Cinema One just awhile ago. Corny na kung corny pero fan talaga ako ni Claudine Barreto and Rico Yan. Hindi naman ganun kalala ang acting nung panahon nila at ang aztig kaya! The story is a typical i-was-bad-til-i-met-you-and-i-changed-me-for-you-but-you-broke-my-heart...

But the good thing is, we still end up with each other anyway. Complete with the kontra bida nanay, supposed-to-be fiance and ex-boyfriend. I cried a few tears. A few drops. Haay..Pinoy. If you don't want to think that much and just need a good laugh or cry. Watch 'em, it works all the time for me.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Not really a movie, I was just surfing through my usual choice of channels and saw this. It's one of those moments that I would just watch a show because it is not normal. Like my other favorite shows such as X-files, Roswell and Smallville.

Pero minsan mas gusto kong tahakin ang mga bagay para lang maintindihan...na kahit masaktan at magkamali man, ang mahalaga...desisyon ko yon at kailangan kong panindigan.

But being who I am now, there has been far more restrictions from my parents and my friends, my other friends and those people around me who need to see ME as their eyes wanted to SEE me. Worse, I let them do it. My vision is blurred by my number one enemy. ME.

What is pain? Can you tell me?

Is it really just for us to experience all the weakness in the world or for us to realize that there is also something else out there that would make us feel alive. It's a writer's ink to write great poems, an artist's paint for his canvass, a writer's words for her blog. Except that that writer is not in pain. Oh, di ba aztig nun?

Hindi ako emo. Di naman in-love. Di rin naman confused, medyo lang...Para akong nasa---"Apol! Kanina pa yang sandali na yan ha. Akala ko ba matatapos ka na?"-mommy

If writing and expressing myself would just add up on our electric bills (there were times I would write on my bed using my cellphone's light) and this is just a mistake. If watching these movies were a mistake. If needing to feel pain is a mistake. Weh, di nga?

Lois in me.

http://www.thelope.com/images/duranceeyesaceblog.jpg

While my college super cool friends are fangirling over Japanese guys and their music I am mooning over smallville---Lois and Clark. Sappy? No, way. They're one of the funniest and greatest couples I have ever met in my TV series viewing life. I would spend rare nights just watching the couple fight with each other and still, fight with each other.

Little did I know, it was my own experience that led me to become attached to this dynamic duo, specifically, Lois Lane.

"He's practically an icon, "The man of tomorrow". And I'm just Lois Lane, the girl who writes about it"

I've been struck by the little kid with heart shaped bow and arrow before and as hard as it is, the wounds still creep into me once in awhile. Like no matter what I do, it feels like I'm left behind. Behind him. I've never written much about my past feelings (well, not at least not electronically) so what's the difference now? Why, after almost three years, am I writing this now?
Lois Lane.

We all do the things we do for a reason, consciously or not. Several times, myself included, we claim that we have no idea...why we're smiling alone, talking to ourself, crying to sleep, watching silly movies, listening to this song or that, getting depressed, laughing out loud, but the truth is, we know...we're just afraid to admit it.

Her character is a part of me I can deny no longer so I must write it down.

"Right. So, when the occasional feelings flare up, you just got to trust your gut, as hard as it is, and realize that you broke up for a reason."

Anyway, I don't always feel like this. I can be more ignorant than what I deserve and need. It's just times like this. When inspirations come :)

**quotes taken from Smallville Season 8 Episode "Toxic"

i want spaghetti!

I made spaghetti for dinner just awhile ago. The sauce was a mixture of tomato/spaghetti sauce, grilled pork, freshly chopped(by me!) basil leaves, and four cloves of garlic. The aroma was good and very Italian-ish, thanks to my secret ingredient, Italian seasoning. It was a joke actually, my dad called from work asking what would we like for dinner and my kuya suggested all types of delicious yet frivolous stuff for fun such as lasagna, fried chicken, and pizzas til I finally cut in, "I WANT SPAGHETTI!!!"

One hour after, the only daughter around was forced to ready the stainless pot boiling and chopping board tainted with fresh basil leaves. I was JOKING...! Hahaha. Anyway, it was rather fun messing around than reading my 35 articles of my professor all the time. Chop-chop-chop and wooooosh...my very own spaghetti!

http://www.about-losangelesca.com

With a few mistakes, everything was perfect. Well, the pasta was a little too firm, the sauce too meager, and the preference of tuna instead of pork (strictly health reasons). Nonetheless, it was a tasty dinner eaten at our usual hour of 10 o' clock, near midnight. Yeah, that IS normal in this family.

Everything was fine til I twirled my last coil of spaghetti and shoved it to my already full mouth. Yes, amid the negative aura simmering just around the corner, we were perfectly okay. Parents. They are so...yeah. Anyway, not that they had any arguments that I don't know of. Too bad my spaghetti did not help either. Haha. The whole reason of me writing at this very moment is just because of this actually.

It's just sad to know if other families (with better and sophisticated food) are this unhappy at their dinner table no matter how much gorgeous food is displayed before them. Not that mine is always like this silent, with my three loud--as in laugh-til-you-drop brothers around!? This is merely just a thought like the million others I'm having now. Right?
FYI: Spaghetti and everything italian are only second to my love of sushi and everything Japanese.